The Big If.

The only things in life that are guaranteed are death and taxes.

And marriage.  If you have grown up (as I have) in a Christian home in the Bible Belt with happily married parents, it is just assumed that, at some point, you will tie the knot with a sexy, Jesus-lovin' sweetie. Obviously not everyone grows up looking forward to marriage, but I know I'm speaking for a pretty big group of people, here. I mean, HELLO, do you keep up with people's Pinterest boards these days? Fourteen-year-olds have wedding boards and some of my best friends are posting helpful hints for marriage. My single friends. We all talk about "when we get married" and "when we have kids". Why?

I was always a firm believer in Prince Charming and happily ever after. Seriously, ask anyone who's had a legitimate conversation with me in the last ten years. It's true. But I realized recently that my entire future was centered on an event that might never take place. I was subconsciously putting everything on hold, waiting for a man to be the leader. Normal, yes? But not realistic. There has never been any promise made to me ever, biblically or personally, that said CONGRATS, GIRL, YOU'RE GETTIN' HITCHED. Nope. Not a thing. And taking a second to think about that is equal parts exhilarating and awful.

Of course I want adorable little babies and maybe a cat and definitely a plaid-wearin' hubs who digs me big time. Of course it is literally terrifying to think about watching friend after friend get married (it's already started, let me tell you) and feeling a little (lot) bit alone.

However.

I love feeling like I am strong enough to succeed alone. I'm about this budding independence that says "It's adventure time, sister. Go do stuff." It's cool to think about every option, and not feel limited by waiting for  somebody. There is no need to. I'm not a lonely half wandering aimlessly until I find my missing piece. Nope. If he ever comes along, that will be the coolest. I will be majorly amped about it. But I'm not assuming.

So I quit saying "when". Maybe you've heard me catch myself and rephrase. Because I'm trying this new thing where I don't limit God to what I think the plan should be. I'm shooting for "if". "If I have kids", "if I get married." It's scarier that way, but it's also kind of empowering. Now the future is wide open for any kind of adventure. I know what I'm hoping for, but there is also assurance that whatever happens will be perfectly within the design of Someone far wiser that I.

Groovy.