How to Make People Think You Are a Hipster.

Here's the thing. I am not a hipster. I secretly wish I was, and I totally emulate hipster fashion cues like a pro, but I am super mainstream and 100% okay with it. I do, however, like to think that I have figured out how to make people think I am the most bohemian hipster princess on the planet. It takes a certain amount of skill, this fooling the great wide world into thinking I'm cooler than I actually am, and now my secrets are yours. Enjoy.

1) Wear a lot of plaid. This is, I believe, the cardinal rule of being a hipster. Plaid is appropriate for all seasons, so don't shy away from that flannel goodness in the summer. Just wear high-waisted jorts and sandals.

2) Shop at Thrift Town, or whatever thrift store is nearest you. Even if you buy a party tank and a cat sweatshirt, saying "I got this at Thrift ____" will make your Hipstar-meter skyrocket.

3) Drink coffee that you didn't get at Starbucks, preferably with soy milk. It's even cooler to have a favorite coffee shop or two that you frequent to the point you learn the names of the baristas.

4) Scarves and headbands. The number one hipster fashion accessory. Can be worn in six trillion different ways. Classy hipsters might choose to wear a scarf as a turban, hippie hipsters will always rock the super-seventies across-the-forehead headband. You know which one I am.

5) If you have a Pinterest, re-pin everything your hipster friends post. Everyone else who follows you will think you are so creative and cutting edge for finding that DIY vintage mason jar craft.

6) If your mother gives you an old sweatshirt, wear it with skinny jeans and call it a one-of-a-kind vintage piece.

7) Be bold. Fact: No one has to know you are not really a devil-may-care hipster rockstar. Pick something funky you like, and rock it like the hip, happenin' cat you are. You will be surprised at 1) how many compliments you get and 2) how hip you feel.

8) Have just enough singer/songwriter music on your iPod to make people think that's all you listen to. What they don't know is that you also have A*Teens, High School Musical, and the Brian Setzer Orchestra on there.

9) Mix and match. Get CRAZY. If it's too much, someone will tell you. Until they do, see just how out of the box you can go. It's kinda fun.

10) Don't talk about how much you love hipsters. 

The Big If.

The only things in life that are guaranteed are death and taxes.

And marriage.  If you have grown up (as I have) in a Christian home in the Bible Belt with happily married parents, it is just assumed that, at some point, you will tie the knot with a sexy, Jesus-lovin' sweetie. Obviously not everyone grows up looking forward to marriage, but I know I'm speaking for a pretty big group of people, here. I mean, HELLO, do you keep up with people's Pinterest boards these days? Fourteen-year-olds have wedding boards and some of my best friends are posting helpful hints for marriage. My single friends. We all talk about "when we get married" and "when we have kids". Why?

I was always a firm believer in Prince Charming and happily ever after. Seriously, ask anyone who's had a legitimate conversation with me in the last ten years. It's true. But I realized recently that my entire future was centered on an event that might never take place. I was subconsciously putting everything on hold, waiting for a man to be the leader. Normal, yes? But not realistic. There has never been any promise made to me ever, biblically or personally, that said CONGRATS, GIRL, YOU'RE GETTIN' HITCHED. Nope. Not a thing. And taking a second to think about that is equal parts exhilarating and awful.

Of course I want adorable little babies and maybe a cat and definitely a plaid-wearin' hubs who digs me big time. Of course it is literally terrifying to think about watching friend after friend get married (it's already started, let me tell you) and feeling a little (lot) bit alone.

However.

I love feeling like I am strong enough to succeed alone. I'm about this budding independence that says "It's adventure time, sister. Go do stuff." It's cool to think about every option, and not feel limited by waiting for  somebody. There is no need to. I'm not a lonely half wandering aimlessly until I find my missing piece. Nope. If he ever comes along, that will be the coolest. I will be majorly amped about it. But I'm not assuming.

So I quit saying "when". Maybe you've heard me catch myself and rephrase. Because I'm trying this new thing where I don't limit God to what I think the plan should be. I'm shooting for "if". "If I have kids", "if I get married." It's scarier that way, but it's also kind of empowering. Now the future is wide open for any kind of adventure. I know what I'm hoping for, but there is also assurance that whatever happens will be perfectly within the design of Someone far wiser that I.

Groovy.

"He's not a piece of meat, Olivia."

I saw that stripper movie. You know, the one with every attractive male actor under the age of fifty? It's okay, you can judge me because I judged me a little bit too. But the trailer was just too much to pass up. To be honest, I was expecting to see a movie about Channing Tatum's abs. I figured it would be about as quality as "Rock of Ages" and "Burlesque" combined (it's already slotted to appear on Broadway, which is maybe the most ridiculous thing I've heard since Beyonce named her baby a color). It was not. Turns out it was the kind of movie that makes you face a gruesome slice of real life and think on it. So here's what I'm thinking.

People in general are incredibly good at distorting that which was once awesome. I would be cliche and say, Bible in hand, "The youth of today are corrupted and slutty and should be punished." But let's be real, 1) it's not just the youth and 2) it's not just today. I am pretty certain this distortion of awesomeness has been going on since, oh, practically the beginning of time. Since the moment A and E chomped on that apple/orange/cumquat/whatever.

As I sat through two hours of Matthew/Matt/Alex/Channing/etc. shaking dat thang, all I could think about (besides the general awkwardness of a giant rear up in my face) was how we have taken the awesome thing that is, well, ourselves, and distorted our mindset to the point that it is totally acceptable to use each other for nothing but erotic entertainment. Girls do it to dudes, Boys do it to ladies. All day, err'day people use each other. Not cool. Super not cool when I remember that we were all created for a specific purpose, which is to bring glory to God. How exactly is a night out with the girls to watch some guy take his pants of glorifying to anybody? It's so not. It broke my heart to see a nineteen-year-old kid (even though he's not really nineteen because Alex Pettyfer's IMDB profile says he's 21) fall for the lie that a life worth living is a life full of fun, while at the same time totally lacking in worth. And when C. Tatum (as magical Michael) cried in his truck.

Let it be said that this is not a religious rampage against the strip club industry. Not even. This is one girl's observation of a sad fact: that people are okay with treating each other like toys, because they, we, have forgotten who we are and what we were created to be. We have been crafted in the image of the Creator, y'all. We are worth more, way more, than we give each other credit for.

C.S. Lewis wrote, "There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations-- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit-- immortal horrors or everlasting splendors... Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses." (The Weight of Glory)

So for heaven's sake, be good to each other.



PS: Ten points to Gryffindor if anyone (like my roommate) understood the obscure "She's the Man" reference in the title.