How God is like a sunrise.

I've noticed lately that when I pray for the ability to trust the Lord, He doesn't shower magical trust fairy dust on my head.

He gives me opportunities to trust Him.

As it turns out, trust is hard. One thing I've learned in the last few months is that love is a choice. I'm beginning to realize that trust is a choice, too. I may not feel like God has things under control, but I have to choose to believe Him when He says "Do not fear, for I am with you." 

Okay here's the deal, I'm a total control freak (the first step is admitting it, right?). I don't like to give up control, and when I do, it's a big deal. Trust is a sort of giving up of control, I think. It is saying "Yep, I believe you can take care of X, Y or Z so I will put my confidence in you in this situation." In the context of relationships, trust can be h-a-r-d. Because a thing that's true about relationships is that there is always, always conflict. Let downs. Hurt. When that happens, trust is lost. For someone who does not trust easily to begin with, those let downs hit hard. Like, horrible-knot-in-your-stomach-for-days hard. It becomes more difficult to trust again, and hiding in a cave sounds like a solid life choice.

Then there's God. You know, the creator of the universe and the pursuer of my heart. I think sometimes I expect Him to let me down in the same way I've been let down by people. I fight hard for control of my circumstances, because I'm so afraid He will do something I don't like. Somehow, my heart convinces itself that God isn't for me. Somehow, I believe the lie that He doesn't care.

Lately, though, I've been hearing these whisper: "Great is His love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever." "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."

Faithful. God is forever faithful. He displays his faithfulness all over the Bible. Seriously, it's like His favorite thing to do. David writes about it all the time.

"GREAT is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches the skies."

It seems, too, that faithfulness is always connected to love. God loves us immeasurably, therefore He will be faithful. Because of love, He began a good work in each of us, and He will be faithful to see it through. There is no better place to put my trust than in the tender hands of a God whose faithfulness stretches all the way to the sky. My head knows that. It's just common sense. And, hey, it's easy for my heart to believe it, too, when the sun is shining and I'm dancing on the mountaintop. It's a lot harder on a dreary Monday when rain pours down.

Yet, even on Monday, He is faithful.
Even when I'm feeling very #foreveralone, He is faithful.
Even as my trust wavers, He is faithful.

Hosea writes that God is as sure as the rising of the sun, or rain in the spring. I've been alive over 8,400 days, and every one of those days, the sun has risen. If God is as sure a thing as the sunrise, I think everything is good. So when God asks, "Do you trust me?", my answer is yes.

Even through my doubts, yes.
Even when it's hard, yes.
Even when it rains, yes.
He is forever faithful.

Happy One Year Nash-iversary!!

Three hundred and sixty-five days ago today, I woke up in my new Nashville home for the very first time. It was cloudier April 9 than the one I am currently enjoying, a little overcast and rainy. But I was in love. Because my big adventure was beginning. 

All I can say is, what a year. What blessing, what bounty, what trial, what sorrow, what joy. The Lord has been nothing but faithful, dropping in my lap a job, community, relationship, and continually teaching me what it means to trust His heart for me and His excellent plan.

Every time I thought I had hit a dead end, a door opened for new and lovely things. 

It's worth noting, too, the totally on-point timing of the move. Any sooner (which is what I had been gunning for) or later, and moments would have been missed, people passed by. But, friends, divine orchestration is a real thing and it's SUPER. 

So, here's a recap. Top ten moments of Nashville, Year One:

1) Lining up two (TWO) very fancy barista interviews with top-notch shops within my first two weeks in the city. (Did my barista ego good, as well as my bank account.)

2) Seeing one of my top favorite music dudes, Gabe Dixon, in concert. One of those "HOLY SMOKES I live in Music City when did my life get so cool?" moments.

3) Hosting a delightful Thanksgiving gathering, and for the first time ever not missing being home on a holiday. Because Nashville felt like home.

4) All concerts in general, but specifically Rites of Spring and Live in the Green. Both so full of Nashville pride, joy and fun. 

5) Making friends at the 12 South Farmer's Market, who I am genuinely excited to see again this summer.

6) A certain evening at the end of August, when I was given a very nice mug.

7) The three-hour aquatic expedition of the Harpeth River, which was a true test of endurance and floating ability.

8) Finding the beautiful family that is my church community. Not a single moment, obviously, but many little ones that have become a vital part of the Nashville story thus far.

9) The first time one of my all time favorite music dudes came into my coffee shop and I made his americano while I FREAKED OUT A LITTLE BIT INSIDE. (Now he's a regular and I'm way casual about it. Whatevs.)

10) Slow dancing to a four-piece band in the gardens of Cheekwood on a beautiful fall night.

Nashville, you are a gem. I'm glad to be here and ready for more.