It is amazing to me how easy it is to live as if this life is all there is. To forget the always-potentially-iminent arrival of Jesus because it is equal parts terrifying and breathtaking to think about, and I don't need that weight on my mind, thank you. The problem with routine and comfort, is that it numbs us to a point that our fire for the gospel turns into more of a votive candle in a decorative little holder.
I am the most guilty of all when it comes to living lazily. Especially recently.
It's not that I don't believe the wonderful news of Jesus' work on the cross is real, it's that I'm not living like I believe it's real. THAT'S the catch. It occurred to me recently that real, without-borders faith comes from the knowledge that Jesus and His love are r-e-a-l real. My response to that knowledge should compel me forward into whatever the heck it is I'm supposed to do. Which, ya know, is something I've always kind of known, but just recently hit me like a punch in the gut.
It punched me so hard, I went and got dunked in a giant tank of water. Yep. Like as in baptism.
And, OKAY, that was so not something I thought would happen when I randomly decided to go my boyfriend's church instead of mine for a week. Seriously, I am not super into altar call responses. Not that I don't believe their legitimacy, I just have never felt the need to prance my little tail in front of the entire church and be all, "cool, BAPTIZE ME". Plus, I pretty much handled that business at the age of six and got to wear a big white robe. And while I'm 100% sure I made a legit choice and meant it fully, as an adult I have felt a definite urge to revaluate and recommit. A lot has happened since age six. ALL THAT SAID, it never would have occurred to me to get re-baptized on a beautiful November day in front of probably a thousand people.
But when you get punched in the gut, you kind of have to respond.
Hilariously, right after that first little nudge to go, I thought about this post from last year. And how I said I wanted to live life to the fullest, taking every opportunity to grow in Christ. It was like 2012 me was holding 2013 me accountable to the commitment. Ha. Good one, self. So there I was, tearing up and terrified, thinking about YOLO and Jesus and how dearly I wanted Him and it was all just a little too much. And I went for it.
Now, twenty-four hours later, after processing (because it takes me a long time to process things, especially when they are big things), I am excited. I am nervous. I am ready. Ready for what? Heck, don't know. But, hey, use me, Jesus. I don't want the gospel to be contained in my heart like a votive candle, I want it to engulf my soul like a freakin' wildfire.
A song that has recently caught my heart is one by my new favorite group of worshippers, Rend Collective. It has become my chant, my cry, my JAM.
Come set Your rule and reign
In our hearts again
Increase in us we pray
Unveil why we're made
Come set our hearts ablaze with hope
Like wildfire in our very souls
Holy Spirit come invade us now
We are Your Church
We need Your power
In us
We seek Your kingdom first
We hunger and we thirst
Refuse to waste our lives
For You're our joy and prize
To see the captive hearts released
The hurt; the sick; the poor at peace
We lay down our lives for Heaven's cause
We are Your church
We pray revive
This earth
Build Your kingdom here
Let the darkness fear
Show Your mighty hand
Heal our streets and land
Set Your church on fire
Win this nation back
Change the atmosphere
Build Your kingdom here
We pray
Unleash Your kingdom's power
Reaching the near and far
No force of hell can stop
Your beauty changing hearts
You made us for much more than this
Awake the kingdom seed in us
Fill us with the strength and love of Christ
We are Your church
We are the hope
On earth
So, yeah. That's what I did this weekend.
