Breath from Heaven.

There is this Amy Grant song that I look forward to hearing around Christmastime. I'm not an avid Amy Grant fan or anything, but I really do like her song "Breath of Heaven". Mostly because when I was in middle school, I liked to croon soulfully along with her and pretend I was on a stage with lots of lights and people sitting in awe of my tear-jerking performance (if only I were kidding). Truly, though, sometimes that song gives me chills. It humanizes a story that I think often gets put on a pedestal. 

The Christmas story is, clearly, the most miraculous, beautiful story out there. Christ coming down from heaven to be born in a manger, shepherds, stars, angels, and so on. But as it was happening, I have this idea it didn't feel all that miraculous or beautiful. At least, not at first (the angels probably brought some major glam points, but that was later).

Think about it. You're a teenager. You're engaged to a guy you might not even know very well (biblical times, guys. Weird marriage situations). An angel has told you the king of the freaking world is growing inside you, but like who's going to believe you when you share that around the circle at bible study? Then your husband to be is all, "ROAD TRIP," and you have to pack up and go to Bethlehem on a donkey literally days before you're about to pop.

This is where Mary is on the eve of Jesus' birth. Exhausted, probably sore, dealing with some combination of fear/shame/confusion/joy/anticipation. Definitely uncomfortable because donkey. And most likely very, very unsure about how this is all going to turn out. Now, I'm not trying to liken myself to the mother of Christ or anything, but I do know what it is to feel some combination of fear/shame/confusion etc. It doesn't feel good at all. 

I have to wonder, did Mary's parents support her? Or were they ashamed? Did they believe her? Did she have siblings, and how did they treat her? What about her community? I think we get it into our heads that Mary and Joseph were some kind of royal family, full of wisdom and trust, always calm. Basically perfect. And for that reason, God chose them to be Jesus' parents. 

But the rest of the Bible tells stories about God picking the most unlikely candidates to fulfill His plans. So Mary and Joseph weren't perfect. There's a really good chance they weren't straight A students and the prettiest people in town. There's a really good chance their lives were messy, and broken, and rough. There's a really good chance they kind of freaked out over the baby situation.

Which is why I love that Amy Grant song so much, because it humanizes Mary in such a tender way.

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now

Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy
Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong, help me be, help me

This girl is struggling. She is real. She isn't on a pedestal, she is at the end of her rope. I love her for it. Mary's humanity is a reality I think slips through the cracks around Christmastime. But it makes the story even more beautiful. When we take away the flash and glam, what we are left with is a picture of what it looks like to trust in God's plan, no matter what our circumstances. The best thing is, we never trust in vain. Case in point: the stable. When Mary and Joseph arrived in Bethlehem, with Mary IN ACTUAL LABOR, there was nowhere they could stay. You better believe Joseph did everything humanly possible to get a bed for his girl to give birth in, but nothing. Can you imagine the emotions of that situation? The worry, and fear?

But God is a God of provision. He is proving that to me right now. And He proved it to Mary and Joseph that night in Bethlehem, right before the biggest miracle the world ever saw. He gave them a little miracle, a stable, to let them know that He is capable of providing. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally and every other way we will ever need to be provided for. He provides actual breath in our lungs, and when we feel like we can't breathe on our own strength, He breathes life into our most dead places.

So Mary wasn't perfect. And she probably had her share of tearful conversations, and crying out to God, and panicking. But, ultimately, she knew that the only way to survive was to lean into her God of big promises, and big deliveries (no baby pun intended). This Christmas, I'm thankful for that picture. Not a sparkly manger scene, but a girl at her wits' end, asking for peace that passes understanding, and receiving it.