The Pursuit.

I have always been told that Jesus wants our hearts and will pursue us until He gets them. He is called the Great Romancer and He is supposed to be all we need. It has been drilled in my head since childhood. I know it, I believe it, blah blah blah blah.

OKAY BUT ACTUALLY. This week, it got real. My heart knows in a way it didn't before, that the Being I call my Savior is after me with a jealous love that I cannot ignore. This knowledge didn't come in a warm fuzzy quiet time or a heart-pounding worship service.

It came in the form of heartbreak.

I was asked, not commanded, but asked, to give up something that had become so incredibly dear to my heart. I was comfortable, pretty much content, setting myself up for what seemed like a really sweet time. And the Lord swept in and said, "That's cool, girl. You can go with that. Or you can come with Me. Your call."

I have never seen so clearly a choice placed before me by Jesus. There was a picture in my mind of a fork in the road, I at the crossroads. One avenue was picture-perfect, sweet, expected, and easy. The other was one of potential risk. Adventurous, scary, exciting, not clear. And my heart was torn. Because easy is comfortable, and I am a creature of comfort. But my heart longs for adventure. I crave it, though I do not always pursue it. God looked into my heart and said "Come with Me. Adventure awaits."

Oswald Chambers, who wrote one of my favorite devotional books ever, talks about fighting against despair in moments that, on the surface, look and feel like total failure:

"Let the past sleep, but let it sleep in the sweet embrace of Christ, and let us go into the invincible future with Him."

Brave words for a heart that is simultaneously breaking and pounding with anticipation of what is to come.

But there is peace, also. Peace that comes from the knowledge that I do not step blindly, but step into the will of a Father who desires me in my entirety. His wants only good things for me, and only He knows what those good things are.

I have a sneaking suspicion that His plans are bigger than I imagined.